life's bittersweet moments

So without meaning to be, I've kinda been on an emotional roller coaster lately.  My thoughts have run away with me and I can't seem to reign them in.  Memories of the last couple years have come to my mind.  I think for many reasons.  My Grandad's birthday was yesterday and he has been on my mind lately.  I miss that man so much - his smile, the twinkle in his eye, his testimony and unconditional love.  He died in 2012 from cancer - it was so heart breaking.  I had already been through a lot that year due to my accident and at the time I was still in my wheelchair when we went to see him in the hospital (memorial weekend).  I remember my Dad telling me it was cancer and there wasn't much time left.  He died that July right after the holiday and to this day I am so grateful for the tender mercy of the Lord to be able to say goodbye.  

The other reason I have been emotional is flashbacks of the accident.  My two year anniversary is coming up and it is all still fresh.  It is a humbling experience that I will never forget.  And I think that because recovery took so long that it doesn't seem like it was so long ago. Recently, I've been going to MCV to visit a friend that is in rehab.  I was on the same floor and oddly enough in the room just across the hall.  It isn't easy for me to be there.  I will forever attribute hospitals to my experiences with the accident and with my Grandad.  I am grateful for the opportunity to reach out to someone else going through a similar experience.  And I hope that having someone to talk to that can relate is comforting to this individual.
Another reason I am emotional is because this week I have been reminded that life can be cut short at any moment.  One of my patient's daughter passed away this week.  She was out for a run and got hit by a drunk driver.  I have been amazed at how many people in the community have wanted to support her family and also keep her memory and love for running alive.  I also came across a blog post related to it that was called "If I Die on Monday."  For me I know that feeling all to well.  My accident was on a Monday morning and I remember that feeling of not knowing if I was going to survive.  Life is to short - enjoy the journey - appreciate and cherish those you love - be grateful for what you have each and everyday.
All of those thoughts and emotions combined with stress and lack of sleep have left me an emotional wreck.  I wish that I could put into words how I really feel and the things that I have learned.  Having something to say is usually not a problem of mine, but these experiences in life have left me humbled, vunerable yet grateful at the same time.  
"God gives us the experiences, challenges, responsibilities and opportunities best designed to qualify and prepare for us eternal life."  I am grateful for a loving God that knows what I need and challenges me to become the best that I can be.  I am grateful for his faith and trust in me.  I am grateful for these experiences that allow me to continue to bloom where I am planted.  And I am grateful that for me, that sure foundation is the rock of our Redeemer, Jesus Christ (Helamen 5:12).

~ April Kay ~